Give Me A Reason by Jennifer Miller

Author:Jennifer Miller [Miller, Jennifer]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Jennifer Miller
Published: 2018-06-17T18:30:00+00:00

As I look at myself in the mirror, it’s hard to believe that cancer is ravaging the inside of my body; the outside has never looked better. I’ve got a lovely tan color on my skin, new freckles across my cheeks, no under eye circles or bags, and white lines marking where my swimsuit begins and ends. I’ve even let my hair do its own thing, for once not caring about the natural curl that usually drives me crazy and it looks great.

I feel happy… so alive… for the first time in… a really long time. Aside from the slight headache this morning from yesterday’s alcohol consumption there’s not another ache or pain in sight. Health-wise I feel normal. So how can it be that I’ve been given this diagnosis? Truth is, it would be easy to believe that I’m fine and my diagnosis never happened and it was all a horrible mistake.

I actually woke up with a smile on my face this morning. I barely remember falling asleep last night. Oliver and I were once again incredibly tired after our day full of sun and alcohol that we napped when we got back to the room after showers, watched some TV and went down to one of the resort restaurants to grab a bite to eat. Afterward, I happily collapsed into bed easily finding my dreams

When I woke, my rustling also woke Oliver. Over breakfast he shared that he has a surprise for me today.

“A surprise? What kind of surprise?”“I’m not telling you, but wear something bright in color.”

“Bright?”

“Yes. Do you have something?” The items I packed quickly run through my mind and I nod.

“Good. Can you be ready to go in an hour?”

“No problem,” I tell him but don’t move.

He smiles, “I’m not telling you a thing.”

I give him my best pout, “Not even a hint?”

“Nope.”

With a sigh I dramatically gather what I need and go to the bathroom, his laughter following me.

Now, I’m standing here in the bathroom staring at myself feeling anxious and full of self-doubt. It’s dumb, but I can’t shake these nerves. I’ve known Oliver for practically my whole life. I’m more comfortable with him than I am anyone else. He knows me better than anyone. So what’s up with this?

Even though conversation has never been a problem between us I worried about conversing with him while we were away together. I mean, coming up with things to discuss while having a quick dinner after not seeing each other in a while is easy. Continually having something to talk about over a few days makes me nervous. Maybe in part because I worry that if conversation stalls the one thing I don’t want to discuss will be brought up. So, before leaving home, I looked up topics of conversation on the web. Up popped more articles than I imagined existed with long lists of things one can ask a ‘guy you like’. Feeling like a teenager, it didn’t take long to lose myself in a black hole of websites that offered all kinds of suggestions.

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